A monkey caught stealing's Journal

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Record after record/Rhyme after rhyme
Kool Moe Dee blindsiding Busy Bee is still pretty much the greatest thing ever.

Context:

Busy Bee:

Kool Moe Dee unleashes total annihilation:

Cutting promos like wack MCs
You may not know this, but Alex and I have major beef. To keep the air clear, we sort our shit out in the squared circle.

"The Unnatural Boy" Alex Kennedy
I see you Bruce Lord. I see you walking around, the Pan-Asian belt, my belt, around your waist, beaming proudly, smiling, waving to the fans. And you should be proud Bruce Lord. Last week in that cage at Innocent Blood you defeated me, you humbled the Unnatural Boy. You may have pinned me Bruce Lord, but in that ring, inside that steel crucible, I learned something. I saw inside your soul Bruce Lord, and I found you wanting.

No one in the World Wrestling Alliance understands pain and agony like the Unnatural Boy, no one has immersed themselves in the essence of suffering like I have. My spirit was forged in the fires of anguish and shaped on the anvil of torment. You can never understand, because you are still afraid Bruce Lord. I can see through your bluster and bravado, your words. I don't see a man, I see a child.

Your fear gives you away. You think you are a learned man, but I am about to teach you a lesson, a lesson in despair and terror. And next month, at Hell on Earth, when we meet again in a no-holds barred Exploding Iron Maiden match at the No Frills Grocery Memorial Center in Poughkeepsie, the conclusion will be foregone. I've beaten you, before you ever set foot in the ring.

The light is dying Bruce Lord, and darkness is moving across the face of the deep.

Beware Bruce Lord…beware!

Bruce "The Deconstructor" Lord
Frankie The Greek: Now, first of all Mr. Lord-

Bruce "The Deconstructor" Lord: That's "Doctor Lord" to you, you backwards paramecium!

Frankie The Greek: Well, be that as it may, Doctor Lord, the Unnatural Boy Alex Kennedy has not steered clear of you since your encounter three weeks ago at Innocent Blood. We just heard from him in that bizarre and enraged video that he sent in from...from what looked to be a dark basement of some sort, and of course there was the incident on last week's "Thursday Night Fight Night Tonight" broadcast in which he proceeded to cover your prized collection of Walter Benjamin books with Pepto Bismal. What do you have to say to-

Bruce "The Deconstructor" Lord: First of all, Mr. "The Greek", someone who claims Hellenic heritage in their moniker oughta have more intellect than to come sniveling up to the Pan-Asian champion, asking him about a washed-up chump like the Unnatural Boy. In case you didn't see Innocent Blood, Franklin, there's a new alpha dog in the WWA and you'd serve yourself well to show him some respect.

As for you, Unnatural Boy, you might think you're plumbing the depths of pain and suffering with your plebeian ravings, but as anyone with half as many letters after his name as me could tell you, your little speech was as cliched as a sophomore's opinion paper. I'd say that you were just cribbing histrionic hyperbole from the likes of Byron and Shelley, but I wouldn't want to insult such a fine pair of bards - instead I'll just say that it sounds as though you've been spending too much time listening to Stabbing Westward.

Well, I'd put down the "why me?" poetry if I were you. You managed to wheedle a rematch out of that pathetic husk of a man who calls himself a commissioner at Hell on Earth? If it's the depths of hell you're seeking to explore, I'll be the Virgil to your Dante, Kennedy.

Deconstruction isn't just about exposing the tacit assumptions of binary thinking that limit critical thought within the bourgeois milieu. It's about taking you apart, Unnatural Boy. Taking you apart, limb by limb, piece by piece, deconstructing you down to your barest essence, your very atomic core, and then rending your soul asunder. And when I do, I won't need to cite any secondary sources to attest to your total annihilation. Because every single person in the No Frills Grocery Memorial Center will be a primary witness to the utter undoing of your ontology, Unnatural Boy.

"The Unnatural Boy" Alex Kennedy
I know you like stories Bruce Lord. I've seen you, your nose buried in books, your brow furrowed, trying to divine their meaning, to give shape to this endless, meaningless existence. Well I like stories too, Bruce Lord. Let me tell you one.

It's about a boy, a boy who sat every day in front of the television, and watched his heroes stride into battle, champions of a bygone era. Men like Big Buddy Spruce and Jungle Jimmy Svenson, men who always did good. And he wanted to be like them Bruce Lord, he wanted to walk in the light, to be a good man and stand for all that was good under the sun, a defender, a champion. But the boy didn't know Bruce Lord. He didn't understand. So he tried Bruce Lord, he poured his soul, his heart into every moment in the ring. And he tried so hard to be like his heroes. And when the fans spit on him, when they chanted at him and taunted him, it hurt him Bruce Lord, but he stayed true, he still tried to walk in the light. But the path was hard, and every time he was within reach of his goal, to be a champion, it was snatched away from him. And when he finally did achieve his goal, when that boy won the WWA's Pan-Asian belt, he thought it would change things, that he had earned the respect of his peers, the love of the fans. But the boy still didn't understand Bruce Lord. And when that boy lay on the mat at Innocent Blood, when he heard the referee begin the count, he felt his dream slipping away. And what did he hear Bruce Lord? After all his sacrifice, after all he gave up? He heard the crowd chanting his opponent's name. When the referee's hand hit the mat a third time that boy closed his eyes Bruce Lord, and he finally understood. He understood that there is always a balance. For some to walk in the light, in the daytime, some must also walk... in shadow.

Let me tell you another story Bruce Lord. When God created the heaven and the earth he separated the light from the darkness. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called..... Night. It's nighttime now Bruce Lord.... these are dark times. And when me meet again, in that ring, on that day, in that stone chamber, maybe you will finally understand. Understand that when a man who walks in shadow, his only goal is your defeat. Only by destroying you, by showing you the face of darkness can balance be maintained.

Storytime is over Bruce Lord.

Field notes from Kinetik 2: Secret of the Ooontz
-Hey, whadda ya know: turns out I like Noisex quite a bit. Their slogan, "In noise we trust, in sex we do" is hilarious, especially considering that their head-man's named Raoul. Raul does the dishes. Raoul does the lambada. Raoul does the sex.

-Grendel weren't horrible, but I went in with hella low expectations.

-Memmaker killed it again, despite some early volume problems (which have plagued a handful of acts). Those dudes are set to take over the world. Talked to Guillaume, and he sez they're just about ready to release a remix disc. New material sounds great, and there's at least one thermonuclear club bomb that Alex, Isaac and I can't wait to get our mitts on.

-Reaper were flat-out bullshit. As were Amduscia. The entire terror EBM genre needs to be taken out behind a barn, have a gun muzzle gently rested against the spot on the back of the neck where its hair is still thin and downy, and sent to oblivion.

-Imminent's live set was great, getting to that place where the sheer pummeling that powernoise gives off shifts into droning plateaus of relaxation. Again, volume and sound mix problems.

-Architect's shit was awesome. So happy to have finally seen Myer live. Breakish, trippy, accented with some live drums, the set managed to cover just about all of the bases that his non-dark electro material covers.

-The beans are everywhere. With everyone. At all times.

-Interlace were cold, dark, and actually creepy. Bought both of their LPs immediately after their set, very keen to let them sink in.

-Pitchfork's sound was a tad thin, but I liked them well enough. Forgotten how many of their songs I knew. General disappointment about the lack of Puppy could occasionally be felt throughout the festival.

-Like Accessory's straight-up, no frills EBM. Nitzer's simplicity with the chord progressions of early FLA. Will grab stuff off emusic.

-Winterkaelte were actually producing everything that was coming out of the PA live and on the fly thanks to a swank pad kit, and it was awesome to see two 40-something Germans just having gleeful fun while producing some great pure rhythmic noise. And I don't mean "maniacal glee" or "sadistic glee" - I mean "five year-old kids playing on swings glee".

-Ask Alex about Caustic. I dare you.

-Big EBM blowout tonight: gotta admit that my expectations for Icon of Coil's set are crazy high after seeing them blow VNV off the stage in the opening spot, lo those many years ago.

EDIT: Aesthetic Perfection murdered the second night. Had no interest in seeing Unter Null, and I was overjoyed when I heard AP were subbing in. "A Violent Emotion" is everything I want in a club record, and Daniel's just about the perfect EBM front-man. Would love it if he could play in Van again.

New York Counterpoint
For those of you who always ask what my brother's up to, here's a fragment of a jaw-dropping recording of Steve Reich's "New York Counterpoint" he recorded a year or two back.

masse mensch material
Hair does really make the man. Got a short summer clip getting rid of the last of the black (for now) and am feeling way more traditionally masculine than usual. Enjoying pilsner, baseball and Henry Miller. I'm imagining myself standing with my arms folded in the middle of a Helmet mosh pit, nodding my head in time and it seems to suit my mood perfectly. Bah, I'll probably start on a Christian Death bender tomorrow, miss my long hair and lament the fact that makeup no longer suits my face.

Off to get a burrito, try to track down the new Horrors record on vinyl (seriously, give that shit a listen, whoever you are), and see "Anvil" with Alex and Josh.

law and attendance
Once we reached the Archimedean point from which the truth of what they'd done could be understood and leveraged against, they fell upon each other. Shifting blame, dexterous filing. Obfuscating, citation all in vain.

With sea-blue purpose we managed their pleas and paperwork. But the facts were never in doubt, and when all avenues had been exhausted, once again they turned to the soapbox.

History could not be so pedantic as we, they shouted as the shackles were applied. "We are the last bulwark!" became the cry. An authority grander than our transitory parliament would reserve their final judgement, and they would not be found wanting in thought nor deed.

They adopted classic poses in hasty memoirs and interviews while their cells were being prepared. In martyrs of antiquity they found models who could not protest as their hairshirts and arrows were hastily appropriated in garish pastiche.

"Strength! Forever strong, forever dutiful!" they sloganeered to each other as they were led inside.

And after ringing tone of the vault door closing forever had faded, they still did not realise that our strength, our sacrifice, would lie in the silence of the vigil we were now only beginning.

I used to dream about nights like this
Vegan enchiladas, new t-shirts, M83, Van Morrison, chocolate with Auchentoshan, snuggling on the couch: could tonight have been any better? Doubtful.

swixy swix
Anyone picked up any of the Siouxsie remasters? How do they sound? Up to snuff with the Cure ones? Are they casualties of the loudness war? Enquiring record geeks want to know.

In other Siouxsie news, this is exciting. The B-sides box set was perfect in every way, and the details on this one look promising in every way.

Current Music: The Presets

"We're not gonna make it, are we? People, I mean."
If only 28 year-old Bruce could've told 8 year-old Bruce (who was starry-eyed enough to think that the mechanization of labour meant that factory workers would soon be able to do important and rewarding things like write novels, and that GM foods would end world hunger) that creationism would still be in Canadian public discourse by 2009, the younger Bruce might've been a tad more motivated to build that spaceship he was always drawing sketches of and GET THE HELL OFF THIS ROCK.

shortz
New IAMX single is rather meh, new Röyksopp is smashing and brill, and JEEZUS why haven't I listened to "This Is Hardcore" in years? Coming back to Jarvis after discovering Scott Walker is rewarding. Anyhoo...

Tonight. A fresh off the wagon Isaac and myself unleash devastation at Skank. Strategic weaponry includes Aesthetic Perfection, Imminent Starvation, The Klinik...and some crazy '82 Italodisco from Detroit I just found. Peep this:

A simple question
Poll #1372066
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Who was better?

View Answers

'Pac
9 (50.0%)

B.I.G.
9 (50.0%)

Show your work. I have a strong opinion on this, but I'm keen to read what others think.

First person to chime in with "NEITHER!!1! cRAP SUXX!" gets a smack.

Current Music: Demolition Hammer, ".44 Caliber Brain Surgery"

The best-laid plots o' mice an' cylon gang aft agley
I get enough condescension tossed my way from the world at large without getting it from angels, technophobes and hack writers who exploit a genre which is supposed to promote critical thought.

Fuck you, RDM. Fuck you.

A meme I just made up
If you're on last.fm, take a look at your top 50 overall artists. Sort them by country of origin.

England: 23
US: 12
Scotland: 4
Sweden: 2
Germany: 2
Norway: 1
Italy: 1
Australia: 1
France: 1
Luxembourg: 1
Japan: 1
Wales: 1

happenings
After my exile in the Top 40 R&B land of Malaysia, I'm keen to get back behind the wheels of ~~steel~~ polymer and spin. I got two do's lined up this week!
---

Yep, it's my turn to hop on the rollercoaster of booze, danger and "oh, shit, I can't believe they're playing this!" which is Rock N' Roll High School. Stuff I'm planning to drop: Cheap Trick, Buddy Holly, the JAMC, and as much metal as I can sneak in. I've got a limited number of guest list spots, so hit me up if you want in.
---

Swedish synth-rock outfit The Kick'll be playing the Metropole on Friday, and the 'saac and I'll be spinning before and after into the wee hours. They've got some tracks up on their MySpace and they sound pretty solid: check 'em out and show up if you like 'em. Cover's a measly fiver, and the Metropole's always got crazy cheap beer.
Facebook event
The Kick myspace

Current Music: Ministry

lolwut
It was about time for a nightcap, he reckoned, so he shimmied and slunk his way down to Claironica's, voluminously. He sat and had a cup of joe deadstone cold. He tinkered around with the Commodore 64 Claironica used to brew the java, while she openly and repeatedly reminisced about her uncle Artie, who'd made it big as a gun runner in Africa only to blow it all saving horses from the glue factory. He fingered Claironica's areoloa listlessly, putting up a good show of pretending to listen.
---
Today's deep thought: it would've been pretty funny if Slayer had written a song called "Dead Skin Cells" instead of "Dead Skin Mask".

Current Music: The Adicts, "Cup Of Tea"

"All Good Things..." (Part I)
Space battles, miscarriages and hybridity, oh my! Get on in here for one last go-round of BSG predictions and kvetches before we all get airlocked.

( Because you're sick of Watchmen wank and Dollhouse is still getting its ducks in a row and not yet baiting its audience )

Current Music: Toxic Holocaust/Razor

consulting eldritch lore
How do we know that Wikipedia isn't created by collection of quasi-informed amateurs desperately digging for any source which might back up their opinions, no matter how unreliable? 'Cuz I'm apparently an authority on Lovecraftian horror.

If one of you lot did this, fess up.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Imminent Starvation